Huge study about safety can be misinterpreted by SUV drivers

GIVING PILLS TO CATS AND DOGS MADE EASY

CATS:
1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding
baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth
and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As
cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left
arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm -- holding rear
paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to
back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and
rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head
firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill
down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously for 30-40 seconds.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make
note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force open
with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to
take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from
carpet with cold water and soap. Throw pieces of towel in garbage.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another
beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head
showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat
with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.
Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress
to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey
compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T-shirt away
and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve the cat from tree across the
road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to
avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the cat's front paws to rear paws with garden
twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty pruning
gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet
steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water
down throat to wash pill down. Pray vigorously while performing all steps.

14. Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency
room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes
pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order
new table.

15. Arrange for ASPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet
shop to see if they have any hamsters left.



DOGS:
1. Wrap pill in bacon.

 

GIVING PILLS TO CATS AND DOGS MADE EASY

CATS:
1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding
baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth
and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As
cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left
arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm -- holding rear
paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to
back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and
rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head
firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill
down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously for 30-40 seconds.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make
note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force open
with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to
take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from
carpet with cold water and soap. Throw pieces of towel in garbage.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another
beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head
showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat
with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.
Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress
to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey
compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T-shirt away
and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve the cat from tree across the
road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to
avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the cat's front paws to rear paws with garden
twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty pruning
gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet
steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water
down throat to wash pill down. Pray vigorously while performing all steps.

14. Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency
room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes
pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order
new table.

15. Arrange for ASPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet
shop to see if they have any hamsters left.



DOGS:
1. Wrap pill in bacon.

 

Which concept would that be?
The one about making sure that everyone has access to health care?
Or the one about making sure that the government controls health care?

 

That is a singularly and extremely important point that we all need to
be reminded of - myself included.

Thanks, David!

Bill Putney
(to reply by e-mail, replace the last letter of the alphabet in my
address with "x")

 

The question was directed at Greg who brought up the red herring of
incest.

As far as you're concerned I know you're worried about devaluing
something that has a 50% success rate these days. If I were you I'd
be complaining about hetero couples devaluing it!
--
Brandon Sommerville
remove ".gov" to e-mail

Definition of "Lottery":
Millions of stupid people contributing
to make one stupid person look smart.

 

You're right. And were the rate 10 or even 20% you'd have a point.
But 50%?

I'm not arguing with that.

My experience has been that those who are racist themselves are the
most likely to have racist experiences and scream the loudest about
them. Political entities exist originally for a purpose, then that
purpose inevitably evolves into the existence of the political entity
itself. They rely on what racism exists (a lot less blatant now, but
far from non-existant) to make it appear that there is a lot more. If
there were truly none, then no one would react or believe in their
message.

Marriage *is* a contract. I remember signing the papers!
--
Brandon Sommerville
remove ".gov" to e-mail

Definition of "Lottery":
Millions of stupid people contributing
to make one stupid person look smart.

 

And "our continued existence over the generations" means children,
doesn't it?

It's ironic that it's considered un-American, due to the fact that
it's the American community that grants these rights. The state is
limited by agreement in what it can or cannot take away from the
people.

Patriot Act, anyone?

Yep, I'm from the Great White North.

Isn't that what I just said?

Both of those were started before things got so badly entrenched.

And somehow gays getting married will make this worse?

If it wasn't forbidden none of this would matter!

Do only men have the ability to commune with your god? Separate
universities are already under attack, aren't they?

The problem with the Equal Rights Amendment was that it was simply the
pendulum swinging the other way instead of rational thought. If it
came down to a choice between a more qualified man and a less
qualified woman, the woman was to be chosen because she was a woman.
Before that it was the other way around. The *right* way to do it is
closer to being in place now, where the gender of the person is
irrelevant. There needs to be a single standard and if someone can
meet it or exceed it, the job is theirs.

And to determine when a law is wrong.

Maybe Canada has a leftist Supreme Court then, because IIRC it was
found to be discrimination to prevent same sex couples from getting
married.
--
Brandon Sommerville
remove ".gov" to e-mail

Definition of "Lottery":
Millions of stupid people contributing
to make one stupid person look smart.

 

If someone presented you with a business model that had a 50% failure
rate with a few great successes, would you consider it overall to be a
success or would you recommend changing it?

So since step parents can be harmful to the family unit should we
disallow re-marriage?
--
Brandon Sommerville
remove ".gov" to e-mail

Definition of "Lottery":
Millions of stupid people contributing
to make one stupid person look smart.

 

Equal access to health care.
--
Brandon Sommerville
remove ".gov" to e-mail

Definition of "Lottery":
Millions of stupid people contributing
to make one stupid person look smart.

 

Nor mine. I've been married now for about 8 years and have a very
high regard for the institution of marriage. What I have with my wife
and my son isn't threatened at all if gays get married. I don't
understand why *you* feel threatened by it.
--
Brandon Sommerville
remove ".gov" to e-mail

Definition of "Lottery":
Millions of stupid people contributing
to make one stupid person look smart.

 

Well... yeah! 50% is a lot, but not all of that 50% is a failure of the
institution. People do try again and end up in marriage that work. I think
if the number of people who just decided not to marry (because they didn't
believe in or trust the insitution) was large enough, then the institution
would begin to teeter and lose it's value in society.

Well, it is an example of a failed insitution. It doesn't exist anymore.
Marriage does mostly in it's traditional form.

I think they're nearing that state, but there's a big stake in allowing this
racial circus to continue by Democrats. They need the black vote to win.
They benefit when the black community is stirred up in anger against "racial
injustice" (Republican policies). They can't afford to ignore or sweep
aside the black community. So they cultivate this stuff.

Sure, but it's way more than that. The reason it's treated as it is legally
is because of the way we view it's importance. It's not "merely" a
contract.

 

x-no-archive: yes

It's far simpler to discriminate, in other words. Why can't Jeff marry his brother Jerry?
Besides who says that the siblings would need be incestous? What if they just want those
rights that the gay lobby claims are available only by marriage?

The inconsistencies of the arguments being used to promote it (gays need to get "married"
to get the legal benefits, but providing the legal benefits doesn't seem to be good
enough), claiming the need to redefine words but only narrowly when convenient, among other
reasons already mentioned here.

 

x-no-archive: yes

Gay marriages wouldn't have gay divorces too?

 

When a problem is attempted to be fixed in the business world, yeah -
you probably should change something. But change for the sake of change
is not necessarily going to fix the problem. IOW - a business is having
problems. Let's burn the buildings down and start making its
products(say pistons and crankshafts) out of plastic instead of metal.
We changed some things - so the problems are now fixed and we have a
successful business, right?

Yeah - lets see - my left leg is broken, so I'll put a tourniquet on my
right arm - yeah - I had a problem - I made a change - problem solved.

I don't think homosexual "marriages" are a fix for whatever problems,
real or perceived, there are with the institution of marriage.

Just my opinion...

Bill Putney
(to reply by e-mail, replace the last letter of the alphabet in my
address with "x")

 

No I am bothered by judges changing laws by deciding to reinterpert
words or phrases. What people call something doesn't bother me. What
bothers me is having laws changed by judicial fiat.

Ed

 

All of these groups classified homosexuality as a mental disorder
until liberal organizations conned government into removing all
funding from them under the guise that calling a mental disorder a
disorder is discriminatory.

Once the power of money got in the way, science was no longer
important.

The fact is that homosexuality can not be genetic. Two major reasons
- it would have disappeared a long time ago as homos can't reproduce,
and both twins of identical twins are no more often homosexual than
the rest of the population is, which is 5%.

Take that and stuff it up your rather large ass hole and smoke it.

Governments are certainly not authoritative on science. Even an idiot
like you should know that.

Yes, we all get our facts about sex from Holland.

 

That's pretty far out there. Nobody was discussing Rush Limbaugh. Naturally
though you like to be able to say who should not be allowed to post on politics,
in the next sentence after you do so yourself.

 

Ah the typical liberal idiot method of making up facts to prove
something we all know is false.

If you told somebody that businesses have a failure rate of about 90%,
they would argue how that isn't true because most businesses they know
of go on for years. But it is true, because the rate is based on how
many new businesses fail compared to how many are started each year.

Which is how liberals came up with the divorce rate bullshit. Of
course, if you remove the liberal divorces, the rate is more like 10%.

Funny, I wonder how liberals got together to make that happen.

 

Right wing faith based beliefs are being spead around the internet by rats
that follow Rush Limbaugh. They souldn't be allowed to clutter up groups
where politics isn't the topic.

Bill Funk wrote in message ...

 

Irrelevant. The point was that marriage is apparently something too
valuable to risk tampering with. At a 50% failure rate, society
apparently doesn't consider it to be that valuable anymore.
--
Brandon Sommerville
remove ".gov" to e-mail

Definition of "Lottery":
Millions of stupid people contributing
to make one stupid person look smart.